I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
