I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
