Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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