life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
honey bunches of taint.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
