I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
