to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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