Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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