You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
