I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just took my morning after pill in the library
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
