so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
