Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
