Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
my god I love twenty year old dicks
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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