the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Actions speak louder than pants.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
