this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
