his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
