It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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