honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
