Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
