i think i have two assholes
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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