I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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