he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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