so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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