before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
