Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
