Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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