I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
