thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
