I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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