omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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