Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
