My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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