when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I am midnight drunk by noon
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
