I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
