She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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