I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
