lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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