just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
