Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
you never un-have a 4some
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I smell like Dick and happiness
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
