If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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