Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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