Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We're too hungover to prance.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize