i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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