so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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