Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
