Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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