I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
