I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
