Don't make out with my wife yet
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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