he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
