how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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