If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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