Soap is not a condiment
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
