Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
