You did not just play the dead husband card again.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
