So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
