I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
