Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
last night I used snow as a chaser
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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