So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
