u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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