yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
