Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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