He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
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No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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