Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
