I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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