You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i drank out of a bidet.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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