What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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