it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
