Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
